Mary Sue a ficlet
by HMxEB4ever
Summary: What started out as a normal Sue fic takes a turn for the better when Sirius Black takes control of the story. Total crack, implyed Slash, rated for language. Reviews are love.


_OMG!! An original chara!!! (…er… also known as Mary-Sue-Fail)._

_I'm not serious, just a crack fic I came up with at one of my friend's birthdays when we all read "Me against the World" (pain). And somehow, from all the physical pain that story brought me (not as bad as trying to read "My Immortal") I came up with the idea, what happens when a Sue tries to corrupt a gay character? _

_I own nothing but Midnight etc… _

Hi, my name is Midnight Death Darkness Ebony Raven Glitter, I'm a totally goffick girl, and I go 2 Hograts skool of witchcraft and majic. I'm like total bffs with Lily Potter, even though she is sometimes lke a total prep. And I have long knee length black hair wif green streaks, and Im in slythrn (cuzx if's goffick) and I like to where black. And I sllep in a coffin, and today I'm wearing a black miny skirt with little skulls hanging off of it (a/n, cuz I like skulls and stfu) and I have a mathing black necklace with lace, and lace up knee haig boots, and a MCR teeshirt.

"Hi Midnite!" James said, walking over to me. "Since I'm like in love with you? I was wundering if you'd go 2 a Simple Plan concert wif me? 'cuz their dotaly goffic, like us?"

"OMFG, yeah Prongs!" I whisper flirtly, I call him prongs 'cuz I'm the only female marauder cux they messed up my room even though I'm a year younger and put me in wif the marauders. I can turne into a mini pink panda wif butterfly wings and can fly and sutf.

Suddenly Peter shos up, and I'm like no. cuz he's such a prep and like kills James and junk. So I like pull out mah wang and kill him.

Then I like sees Remis lupin sittin there and hes reeding and I say like "Hey, you wanna be my boyfriend?"

And hes all like "Yeah!"

But James is so protective so he'says "Hey Midnighs MAH girlfriend."

But I get all flustered and they both want to marrie me. Then my other boyfriend Serious Black walks up, (a/n O'm worried he like cheated on me and that's not good, cuz that would make him a whore!!) 

…

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Sirius says.

"WEllm, they were just fitting over me and—"

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BOYFRIEND YOU CUNT?!" Sirius screams, but he's not supposed to 'cuz I'm amazing and—

"Merlins, James, what happened to red? She was almost acceptable!! A bit on the overly feminine side, but STILL."

James bwinksed. "What the—" He locked around. "Holy shit! What's going on? Oh my god!! She killed Peter!!"

"You bastard!!" Sirius screamed, pulling his own wand out."Agh! Why do pople hate me?" I sob, hiding behind remmis. "It's okay," rmis says, "Ill project u!"

Sirius pauses. "Seriously? Seriously? Remus? No…" he shakes his head, and pulls out a chocolate bar.

Suddenly, Remus is standing next to him, eating chocolate and staring at me.

"Dude, why do Sues always insist on going after, or writing out, my boyfriends?" Sirius asked Remus, who shrugged. "Anyway, I feel I would be doing a great justice to wizard kind if I hex her into oblivion."

"Wai! Wait, but I'm too kawaii to hex!!" I cry. "And Y don't U luv me? I am teh sex!!"

"Honestly, you're writing a Marauders era fic (so why are you listening to Simple Plan) and so I assume you've read at least ONE other era fic, because that's how all these messes get started, so how do you NOT know why I can resist 'teh sex?'"

"Huh?"

"Merlins, I'm as queer as a very, very queer pencil." Sirius shook his head. "Why do you think I keep saying my boyfriend?"

"Bu-but I AM THE—"

"Mother fucking Sue? Yes, you are. Avada Kedavra."

AND SO, that is the story, dear readers of how Sirius Black saved the wizarding world from Midnight Death Dark-- another Mary Sue. Unfortunately, another one is bound to surface any second now…

And now, a public service announcement…

Please, our fan fiction sites are suffering from a multitude of Mary Sues and Gary Stues, and please, if you see one of these horrible creatures, do the right thing! Flame the hell out of them.

Thank you.


End file.
